THE PEW IN PARENTING
Geoffrey R. Kirkland
Christ Fellowship Bible Church (St Louis, MO)
THE PEW OF PARENTING
A wonderfully blessed and simultaneously trying area of parenting consists in the training of children in the pew. The responsibility falls to parents to actively teach and persistently prepare the children for worship. How will children know how to worship God unless they are taught? How will children know what to do in the worship service unless parents instruct them? This area of parenting must begin with the proper understanding of the following foundational points. First, only God can regenerate the children. No parent has any innate power to save the kids, make them more savable, or manipulate them to make a “decision” for Jesus. Only God saves. Salvation belongs to the Lord. Second, this area of parenting must maintain a long-view perspective that change does not happen immediately or overnight, or in a week! Even in a difficult week, or a frustrating Sunday in the pew, or in a busy season of childrearing in the pew, don’t lose heart or give up. Parents must remain faithful and continue to persevere with prayer, with humility, with focus, and with confidence in God. Third, parenting in the pew presupposes that parents will actually have children in the pew with them during the worship services. Some parents may choose to put a young child in the nursery but others may choose to keep their children with them in the pew. It seems best, and the pattern of Scripture, that children are with the parents in the worship service for the singing, the hearing of the Word read, and the preaching of the Word of God. With that said, what must parents remember while seeking to shepherd in the pew?
First, preparation is key! Just like any important meeting, you prepare ahead of time. You do this for a vacation, for a flight, for an interview! How much more to meet with the living God! Parents must gather their children before the Lord’s Day worship begins to help them prepare. Prepare by reading the Word that’ll be preached. Prepare by praying for the preacher, the congregation, and the edification of the saints. Prepare by singing God-exalting songs. Prepare your hearts before you arrive. Even wake early enough to get the clothes on the children, Bibles in hand, breakfast eaten, so you can head out the door and drive to church in an unrushed fashion.
Second, perspective is important! Parents should prioritize the perspective that church is for the worship and exaltation of the majesty of God. Children are not the focus. Children must learn to sit still, focus on God, pay attention to the preacher, all with the mindset that God’s people have gathered to meet with the Lord and hear from the Almighty King & merciful Father! Communicate this.
Third, eliminate distractions as much as possible! Parents should not allow their children to to play with toys in the pew. It may make things a bit quieter but the parent is sadly teaching the child to tune out altogether when God’s Word is read and preached. It’s the opposite of what parents must do. Rather, the kids can have a bulletin, or a Bible (if they can follow along) and learn to circle key words, draw a picture of what is being preached, try to get the preacher’s main points, and so on. The goal is for parents to specifically teach the kids and supply the kids only with what is needed for them to pay attention in church. They don’t need toys or coloring books or snacks in church. They need to learn to sit reverently and be still before the awesome God. This comes with time. Be patient and yet persistent in teaching this.
Fourth, teach and explain quietly. As the service goes on, feel free to quietly lean over to the children and teach them why the pastor is reading from the Bible, why they are singing the hymns (and what the connecting theme is, if it’s discernible), why the congregation stands to pray, why a missionary gives an update, why people have their Bibles open on their laps during the sermon. It’s permissible to quietly lean over and explain what is going on and why certain things are done that way in the House of the Lord.
Fifth, make expectations and rules clear beforehand. Parents should come up with some clear rules and expectations for the children while in the pew and then the parents must communicate it to the children. And, the parents must expect obedience and discipline for disobedience. Some rules may include: no talking while the preacher is talking, sing with the congregation, look at the preacher when he is speaking and do not turn around, do not play with or touch your siblings next to you, and so on. The important point is to communicate clearly to the children whatever expectations you have for the worship service.
Sixth, discipline promptly and swiftly for disobedience and then return to the service. If the child disobeys, then the parent should take the real small, young children out of the sanctuary and discipline them promptly (the more immediate the discipline, the better so the child will connect the discipline with the offense he has committed). And then bring them back into the service. If the child is a bit older, perhaps the parent could put an “X” on the kid’s hand and then discipline when they get home from church. The important point is that training and self-control in the pew is important and should be taught — patiently, consistently, faithfully, prayerfully, and trusting God for grace.
Seventh, allow other saints to pray with you, help you and bear the burden with you. Parents should not forget that God has given like-minded saints to encourage and help you in this joy of parenting. Ask folks to pray with you as you parent your kids. If you have many children, and perhaps if your husband is preaching and you’re alone in the pew, it may be profitable to ask another church member to sit with you and help you with the children in the pew during the service.
The point of all of this is intentionality and prayerfulness. Seek to remain faithful, diligent, persistent, consistent, and maintain a long-term perspective. There will be wonderful weeks and there may be extremely difficult and frustrating weeks. Husbands can take the lead and encourage their wives and even teach them on the way home and when they arrive home if the mother is out with a crying child for a good part (or most) of the service. Husbands must pastor and shepherd their wives carefully and thoughtfully as well.
But God will give His grace and strength to you as you seek to love and honor Him, reverence His House of Worship, and teach the next generation to fear God, submit to His Word, and benefit from the corporate gathering of God’s people! To God be the glory!