The ORDER of Parenting
Geoffrey R. Kirkland
Christ Fellowship Bible Church (St Louis, MO)
THE ORDER OF PARENTING
God is a God of order and not a God of confusion (1 Corinthians 14.33). Disorder is a result of worldly, earthly wisdom which is demonic in nature (James 3.15). In parenting, then, order in the home must prevail. Parents should not allow their children to run wild and uncontrolled as if they run the house and “do what they want to do.” Parents do not sit passive and refuse discipline and reproof “just to keep the peace.” Rather, parents must strive for, pray for, attain, and maintain an orderly environment in the home among the family. This is vital because it represents the character of God and the family of God which is to be orderly.
Parents must exemplify order in their marriage. This means that parents should understand and fulfill their God-given rules and functions in the home. Obeying God in the order of marriage will provide a joy-filled, Godly, enjoyable, and blessed environment in the home for the children to see.
As parents teach the children, there must be order in the childrearing.
First, this must include discipline from the youngest of ages. There must be order and consistency in the discipline of sin and folly in the lives of young children. Disobedient children need to be taught when they have sinned against God. And God has ordained this discipline to come by means of the rod. As the child continues to grow, the rod may decrease over time as verbal instruction, probing the heart, and dialoguing together increases. Great wisdom is needed and counsel from Godly counselors can help in understanding a good age and season to stop spanking a particular child (though there is not a particular age that it has to automatically stop because children are different). Additionally, the discipline of children should be orderly. There should be the stopping of the situation, the gathering of patience (on the parent’s heart to calm down), going to a private area for the discipline, the asking of questions and gathering of information, the aiming for the heart and desires, ruling motives and wants of the child in that moment and how they then chose to respond, and then the clear opening of the Bible and sharing what God says about the situation and how and why He calls it sin. Then, the parent must spank and use the rod firmly and carefully to bring awaken the child to the folly and danger of unrepented sin and persistent habits of ungodliness. Then, the parent proclaims the gospel of Christ and urges the child to come to Christ through repentance and faith in Christ’s righteousness and substitutionary atonement.
This order in the home should also show itself in the home-environment. Parents must lead in the home (not the children). Parents must ensure they have a parent-oriented home and not a child-centered home.
It can be so helpful for parents to have a schedule and maintain a schedule, or a routine, during the day. Obviously, God brings things that may alter that schedule from time to time, but most often, that schedule should generally provide guidance during the days. Fathers and mothers should come up with this schedule together and fathers should take the lead in implementing it and seeing that it is maintained and that the children are submissive to it and obedient to their mother’s guidance throughout the day (while he’s away at work).
Finally: parents must strive for order outside of the home. When families travel together on vacation, or at a friend’s home for hospitality, or at church, or at school, or at the grocery store, parents must still strive for orderliness and good attitudes and conduct. There should not be rambunctious or uncontrolled children who scream selfishly and throw a temper tantrum. This behavior comes from a selfish heart that should be disciplined firmly. Parents must remember that even in public they ought to maintain a Christian witness before a watching world. Parenting is busy, nonstop and endless opportunities to minister grace, truth, love and instruction to naive children who need to be taught God’s truth and what God expects in a given situation.
As hard and as counter-cultural as this may sound, Christian parents must strive for and maintain order in the home and in their parenting (whether in the home or traveling out and about). Why? Because the true and living God is, by nature, a glorious God of order and peace and not a God of confusion! Let Christian homes emulate this and exude the aroma of God’s character from our families.
This is part of the ongoing blog series on parenting.
