1. Soundly Converted.
Since God created marriage to remain for life, in looking for a spouse you would do well to ensure that the person you find interest in is soundly converted. You want to make sure the person you would consider spending your life with is passionately in love with Christ, faithfully seeking His Word, and bearing the fruit of the Spirit. Your spouse will be the greatest tool of sanctification in your life. Ensure, for the joy of your heart, that the person is soundly converted.
2. Pursuing Christ.
You do not want to marry just anyone who calls himself a Christian. You must certify that the person pursues Christ more than they pursue you. Ladies, you would be wise to note if the man who pursues you has a greater love for Christ than he has for you. Does the person you are spending time with pursue Christ? Do they pursue Christ while they are with you? How do you know?
3. Godly Words.
In a potential spouse, you will have a happy marriage if you find someone who speaks ‘with grace.’ Do not associate with someone given to gossip, slander, blasphemy, and taking God’s name in vain. You can be sure that someone who tells you all the negatives of friends will certainly speak of all your negatives to others. Be warned! Find someone who speaks edifying words and who shuns corrupting/filthy speech. Spend time with someone who speaks good words, at the right time, which point you to Jesus Christ and to His gospel.
4. Humble Conduct.
Flee from a prideful, arrogant, self-centered person. Have nothing to do with a man who must be noticed. Do not give your heart to a woman who must be recognized by all her friends. Find a person who is humble in heart, who is Christlike in his attitude. Do not date someone who is independent, autonomous, and self-promoting. Find someone who is given to serve, who desires to sacrifice, and who is willing to admit when wrong. Pursue someone who quickly confesses sin and who humbly asks for forgiveness. Turn quickly from those who refuse to confess personal sin.
5. Resolves Conflicts.
Two sinners coming together in a one-flesh relationship will inevitably lead to conflict. Not all conflict is evil, nor does all conflict necessarily come from sin. However, the key is how a man and a woman handle conflict; that is, how do you resolve conflicts? Never date a person who pushes past conflicts, disagreements, arguments under the rug and forgets about it and moves on. The issue may be covered for a brief time, but be assured, it’s still there; and it’ll pop up again. You must date and find someone who is willing to sit down, talk honestly, listen humbly, and patiently work through conflicts and disagreements together. Even when there are miscommunications, how does a person handle those conversations? Find someone who resolves conflicts biblically, warmly, gently, eagerly, and humbly.
6. Serves in a Church.
The best place to find a spouse is in your church (assuming it’s a biblical, solid church). If you’re not involved in your church and actively serving, it will be hard for you to find someone who is (since you’ll not be there to see them serving!). But if you are serving actively and sacrificially, find someone who shows up to serve, eagerly desires to help, and who regularly demonstrates Christlike love towards one another. This only happens in the context of the local church. Anyone who is uninvolved in a local church, not faithfully attending, not faithfully sitting under the preached Word, and who is not pursuing discipleship relationships should be avoided. You should serve diligently and find someone else who does the same. This is what Christ calls us to do.
And, ultimately, remember that God sits as the sovereign King over heaven and earth. There is not one event under the sun that God has not ordained and orchestrated to bring about His glory and to accomplish His purposes. God works sovereignly and providentially. That means that God causes all things to happen for His glory and for the unfolding of His grand design. So do not lose heart if you are single — even if you’re old and still single. God is not unaware of your situation. Nor is God apathetic toward your situation. Rest in Him. Warm your heart in His love. Trust in His kind and sovereign mercy. Rejoice in Him!
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