Wednesday, March 26, 2008

According to Diane Mapes with this is so. She notes in her lengthy article:

For many couples, spats are a necessary evil, something to endure or avoid
(for the sake of the kids!). But new research at the University of Michigan
shows that hashing out marital disagreements is actually good for your health.
It's squelching anger, especially when you feel you've been wronged, that's
She continues by noting:
A study published in January followed 192 married couples in Michigan from
1971 to 1988 and found that those who kept their anger in when unfairly attacked
did not live as long as those who expressed their anger, says lead study author
Ernest Harburg, Ph.D., an emeritus research scientist at the University of
Michigan's School of Public Health and psychology department.
"We're all
interested in longevity," says Harburg, who's studied the health effects of
spousal sparring for over 30 years. "We watch our diet, we exercise. Now we need
to add 'express anger constructively' to that list."
So part of the counsel is simple and straight-forward:
...The first step is to let the person know you're mad -- the sooner, the
"You can either express your anger directly or you can say, 'That
makes me angry, but I don't want to talk about it now; let's discuss it later',"
he says. "But in order to solve the problem, you need to first express your
Perhaps one more quote will suffice. One lady noted:
"My blog has become my therapy," she says. "When I have issues, I'll write
a blog post and my husband will read it at work. And then he'll come home and
we'll talk about the problem and solve it. If we have issues, they never really
last longer than a couple of hours."
Harburg says both partners have to be
willing to listen and work toward a compromise; otherwise it's a no-go.
Unfortunately, this is what the godless mind is prone to think. Just let out the anger on your spouse -- it's better to do so; and sooner rather than later, and it goes on and on and on.

But is this really what husbands and wives should do? Before we look at what is "healthiest" for the body or what may "promote" a longer life we must see what God has to say about this.

God said through Peter to wives:
1 Peter 3:3-5 3 And let not your adornment be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.
Then to the husbands:

1 Peter 3:7-9 You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 8 To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
Listen to what the wisest man who has ever lived had to say about the tongue:

Proverbs 10:19 When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.
And Solomon continues,

Proverbs 17:27-28 27 He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. 28 Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise; When he closes his lips, he is counted prudent.
God says that believers must be those who love their spouses and are selfless rather than selfish. The godly character is that which produces a gentle and quiet spirit - not an outrageous and argumentative one.
Let it not be forgotten that God the Holy Spirit said through Paul to believers:

Ephesians 4:26-27 Though you may be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity (author's translation).
May we be those who take a stand holding firm to the authoritative and clear truth found in God's Word. If this article reflects the average marital counsel people are getting these days, then it is time for us to hold God's Word high with the God-honoring answers to our sinful hearts which can be angry. The answer is not outrage, or expressing your emotions, or to let it out, or to "compromise." Rather, the answer, no doubt, is Christlikeness.


Anonymous said...

Good exhortation for our reading and edification, son!



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